The Fun F@#%ing Family: Antelope Hunting by Juliana Walters

I'd tagged along with Ben on a deer hunt once, a few years ago. I didn't have a tag then and did not carry a rifle. It was miserable. We were caught in a frosty blinding blizzard for most of the day. We didn't see any deer. I became sour at the thought of ever going again.

I wasn't brought up hunting. My dad had one hunting story. His hunt happened before my parents were ever married. He harvested one deer but didn't fall in love with hunting. My parents had friends that hunted and I had friends whose parents hunted. But, in the back of my mind I always deemed hunting to be a little taboo and unsophisticated.
Ben never begged me to hunt. He occasionally went on general hunts and special draw permit hunts. Since we have been together he has killed a deer, an antelope, and several elk. I helped process the meat, cooked the meat, and enjoyed eating the meat from all of the animals.
A couple of years ago I read a book by Michael Pollan called The Omnivore's Dilemma. It gave me a new perspective in my thinking about food. It got me thinking about hunting. I began to wonder if it was something I could actually do. And if I couldn't, was it really ethical for me (personally) to be a carnivore.
I have to make this about me. This has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else or how I feel about anyone else. I don’t believe people who don’t hunt, but do eat meat, are unethical.
Next to my family, food is my passion in this life. I think about it (the stuff that keeps our physical bodies alive) like some people might think about their God or religion. From a pressed, processed, frozen, chicken nugget to a single leaf of bib lettuce harvested from the soil in my own backyard I ponder it all. And I eat it all! I'm not a fanatical purist when it comes to food. One of my main goals in this life is to do everything in moderation. Moderation is one of my favorite words. I should probably try to moderate how infatuated I am with food.
After I read The Omnivore's Dilemma and decided that my meat eating life would not be complete unless I tried to harvest my own I read another book by Georgia Pellegrini called Girl Hunter. Her romantic hunting stories sealed the deal.
The summer before last I took a hunter's safety class, passed it, and got my license. This year Ben and I put in for special permit deer, elk, and antelope hunts (kind of like a lottery). We both drew on a buddy antelope hunt. I'm very fortunate to live in Idaho and have a husband who had already been hunting successfully for over 25 years. And he was more than happy to show me the ropes!
September 25th, opening day of our hunt, was suddenly here. I didn't really know how to feel. I had never fired a rifle at a living target. I truly believe you are treading in country beyond this earth when you are contemplating taking life to feed your own. I don't believe we are unwelcome on that turf but we must respect it and be wholly mindful of it. Which is why I wanted this experience in the first place. I wanted to become mindful of the life lost whenever I ate meat and I believed this would help me to do that.

Can you spot our truck?

So, there we were, in the Birch Creek area in Idaho at about 6:30 am hiking up to an outcropping of large rocks where we were going to sit very still for the balance of the morning. The sun was squinting on the horizon and shadows were turning into actual objects. We weren't even a quarter of the way to where we were going to sit and four large antelope ears appeared almost at the spot up the hill we were headed for. Ben whispered to me to slowly sit down and we would just watch them.
They walked toward us and off to our left side. When they got to where Ben thought they were in my range he told me to slowly lift my rifle and get the larger of the two in my sites. Maybe it was too early and I wasn't quite ready but I just didn't feel like I could hold steady enough at the distance they were away from us. They spotted us and ran away FAST! We moved on to our rocks. I took a few photos of the amazing country and then we sat down and settled in. No sooner than we were settled in the rain saw how comfortable we were and decided to join us. I asked Ben for the tarp we planned to wrap my antelope in and covered myself. We sat there for at least an hour. I watched the rain pool and then run off the tarp onto the ground creating a muddy mess all around me. I just sat there thinking how much of an idiot I must be to purposefully subject myself to such nonsense. I was cold, wet, and uncomfortable. Why couldn't I have just killed one of the antelope we saw first thing? Then I got irritated because I couldn't get mad at Ben because it wasn't his stupid idea. He was just helping me realize something I thought would make me a more spiritual and aware person. I began to chastise myself for having the notion that I was even close to being a deep thinker. I read (and enjoy) People magazine and have watched two entire seasons of Dancing with the Stars. I'm not deep. “What am I doing here under this stupid tarp anyway?” Then Ben said, "Let’s go back to the truck. We'll drive around, get warm, and see if we can see another one." I was packed and ready to hike back in less than a minute!
We got about 50 yards from the truck and Ben turned around. There were at least 9 head of antelope standing in the puddles left by the runoff from my tarp!
Ben's head hung low. They were too far away and they would see us if we tried to get any closer. We got into the truck and started it. The antelope spotted us and turned around. While getting warm we took the road around the right side of the hill we were previously perched on. The antelope
were out of sight but Ben thought they were still near. We were warm so we parked the truck and headed back up the hill. When we got close to the top Ben said to get down on our hands and knees and crawl. I felt silly like a little kid pretending to be a hunter but feeling like they were too old to be pretending. Elmer Fudd popped into my head and I tried not to laugh as I thought of that little cartoon pig man saying, "It’s antelope season, and I’m hunting antelope, so be vewy, vewy quiet!"
Ben peeked over the hill. They were there! We crept up and got on our bellies. Again I felt like they were too far and I could not get any of them comfortably in my sights. They spotted us and began to run. Ben said he was going to take a shot and I urged him to. He missed. The sound of his rifle was a clear reminder of what we were there to do. I believe it gave me just the push I needed to be ready when my next opportunity came along.
Those antelope were long gone and I was disappointed and excited at the same time. We decided to walk back to the truck to drive around a little and see if we could see any more.
The truck looked far away. The terrain was deceiving and it seemed like we covered a lot of ground in a very short amount of time. My head was down and as we walked I was beginning to question why I was there again and if I really had it in me and if it mattered anyway because we may not see another antelope. I was also wondering how this whole hunting thing worked. Would we have to wander out in the sage brush till sundown? There were no antelope in sight and Ben asked out loud, "What are you thinking about?" I wasn't going to say. I reminded myself that it was my idea and I would stick it out until dusk if that's what "real" hunters did.

Right then, Ben grabbed my arm and whispered for me to sit down slowly.
Directly in front of us in the distance there was a lone buck antelope running full speed in our direction. I sat there dumb and in disbelief. Ben said to slowly lift my rifle and get ready. I was able to spot him in my scope and pretty well keep him there because he was still running in our direction and had not spotted us yet. He was distracted. When he was within about 200 yards I took a shot. Ben said to keep him in my scope and to keep shooting. I shot three more times. Ben said, "You hit him!" I looked up and could see blood by his hind leg. At this point he was running slowly. He got over a hill and out of sight. Ben suggested we wait and let him, and me, chill out.
I didn't make a clean kill with one shot. My heart was racing but I felt bad. I wanted to finish it so he would not suffer. I had to shoot him twice more. It didn't feel spiritual or uplifting but I wasn't sad for killing him. I was irritated with myself that it wasn't cleaner.
I helped Ben gut and skin the antelope. Mostly by holding a leg or grabbing a knife. I was watching and learning. I thought that part would bother me. It didn't. We packed up what was left of the antelope and headed back to the truck. I was shaking a little. A little out of excitement and a little out of accomplishment I think.

The truck was very far away again. It was odd how unknowingly far we had traveled on pure adrenaline. On the way back to the truck we saw two different sets of antelope off on different hills in the distance.